“An Open Letter to the Girl Who Fears Love Will Never Find Her”

I know you because I am you. Which means that I know that you do not want to be reading this right now. I know that you are bitter because I am bitter. I know that you have seriously considered the possibility that not everyone has a love waiting out there for them because I, too, have considered that possibility. I know that you’re sick and tired of watching every single person that you know be in a relationship because I am too. And if we are as similar as I fear we are, you have come to the conclusion that you fumbled a previous love and, therefore, this is your cosmic punishment. I know you hate weddings because I can’t stand them either. I know you’ve considered that maybe you’re just a bad person who needs therapy. Furthermore I know that what you are not looking for, in response to that, is a “no bbg that’s not true!” moment. I know you’re sick and tired of being told to be patient and that love will come when you least expect it.

Me and you are one in this moment. There is no fourth wall to be found in these words. 

In truth, the one and only reason that I am writing this now is to lay out for you the very short list of things that have allowed me to trudge on in spite of this.

Firstly, a Bible verse. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Anyone within the Christian tradition will tell you that this is really and truly a last-ditch effort verse. This is the verse that is employed when everything else has already failed. This is the “innovative treatment that may or may not actually save your life” of Bible verses. I say all of this to illustrate that my use of this verse is not casual.

Secondly, I have spent a considerable amount of the time, which I possess due to being single, reflecting on our sisters whose lives have been touched by domestic violence. Most specifically, I have reflected on our angels who paid the ultimate price in their battle with domestic violence. Because it would seem to me that any of those women would have told us to be single for as long as possible. To be as picky as possible. To marry late and have children even later. Indeed I say to you that marrying late has never stolen a woman from us too soon. Or have you forgotten that womanhood is still yet a dangerous business? It is their memory that has carried me forward.

Thirdly, and finally. The most attentive among you may have caught that I left my earlier quip regarding our mutual consideration that we are possibly in need of therapy unresolved. And the reason for that is because we do. If there is anyone out there who can provide me with credible evidence that they need no improvement, I will never write again. Until such a time comes, let us focus on becoming the partner that we hope to have one day, bearing in mind that the only thing that we can truly control in this life is ourselves . I would, furthermore, encourage you to lean into your faith.

My final word to you in this essay is this: consciously limit the amount of time that you spend pondering your love life, and to remember that nothing which teaches you what never to do again is in vain.